tending my spirit, learning from the universe

Archive for November, 2009

Joy through pain

Two of my brothers and both parents have completely and absolutely ignored my announcements of my engagement and impending nuptials. It’s pretty heartbreaking to be treated this way by your own family, but I’ll count my blessings where I can. Namely, I’m marrying the person I love and trust more than anyone else in the world. We’re going to become a family. Also, my brother John & his wife have shown enthusiasm and support. John even agreed to be in the wedding!

I will not beg anyone to come to the wedding. If they don’t want to be there, that’s their choice; however, I wish they’d at least have the courage to let me know they’re against it or upset, or whatever! This silence and denial is worse than any words they could spew forth.

Spiritually, I’ve felt very small the past 3 weeks. My heart has contracted and I am having difficulty expanding it with forgiveness and love toward 2/3 of my family. I had a good cry last night, but the pain lingers.

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Friday Morning Signs

Each day, I pass hundreds of signs on my commute. Stop signs, speed limit signs, exit signs, billboards, bumperstickers, the list goes on… I often see hawks sitting atop the lights in the interstate median. They gaze down upon us from this high perch with what I only assume is a superior perspective. To the birds up there, we are just tiny beings in our cars zipping by, weaving around each other, getting on the highway, getting off, oblivious to the natural world.

Friday morning I was halfway to work when a huge hawk lifted off the right side of the highway and flew right in front of my car. I could see the powerful talons dangling below his breast and I gasped. Then I smiled. The hawk is an indicator I am now awakening to my soul purpose, my reason for being here. It can teach me how to fly high while keeping myself connected to the ground.

I have yet to figure out my soul purpose, but find solace in the notion that I have one.

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