tending my spirit, learning from the universe

Archive for February, 2010

Dark Side Confessions

Photo credit: Øyvind Ganesh Eknes

My reading list grows longer and longer. Currently I’m reading 2-3 books a month: some fiction, some not. I just finished A Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick. It was lyrical and lush while dark and tragic. I couldn’t put it down. This is one of many instances of the “dark” in my life currently. I recently listened to ep. 18 of A Pagan in the Threshold where MeadowMoon  opened up and shared with her listeners her fascination with the dark aspects of life and magic and how comfortable she felt there. I applaud her honesty, as many pagans avoid the topic altogether, fearing what others will think of them, or fearing they themselves will somehow become lost if they explore their dark side.

We all have a dark side. Some of us have lived it, and not because we necessarily wanted to. As a survivor of multiple bouts of Depression over the years, I can say the dark is not fun; however, I learned so much about myself from those times, I don’t know I’d be the same person today without that knowledge.

This is not to say I endorse mental illness as a way to self-discovery or personal growth! I do know that I had a choice: I could either wallow or climb out of the metaphorical pit. I chose to climb. Having had both perspectives (above-ground and below) I appreciate both and know that the dark isn’t bad or evil but it is certainly not for (more…)

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Things that have changed

  1. I’m not completely anti-gun anymore. In fact, now that I own a house, I’d like to have a handgun and learn to use it. I still don’t think anyone needs semi-automatic or automatic weapons, but that’s for the politicians to work out.
  2. I’m really a Pagan now. Not a ‘seeker’ or an agnostic. I’m comfortable in these sacred shoes.  I still have much to learn and a million ways to grow, but I’m finally on the right spiritual path!
  3. I don’t enjoy driving as much as I used to. It’s most likely because i have to drive so far and amongst so many assholes every day.
  4. I don’t want to have children. I want to have lots of nieces and nephews, blood-related and not. I just don’t think raising a kid is something I want to dedicate my life to. That said, I have real respect and appreciation for my peers who are, or are becoming, parents.
  5. I’m really going to do the things I say I am. Raise chickens? Yep. Sew a quilt? Yep. Clean the garage? Yep. Etc. My will needs to be developed and not swayed by laziness or passing fancy.

These are just a few things that I can think of now.

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