Being female in a patriarchal society tends to make us question ourselves and our power more often than our male counterparts. This is not a rant against men, just an observation on life as it is here in these United States. Even I, a well-educated and self-assured person have moments (even periods) of doubt, self-loathing, and existential angst. I say [ridiculous] things to myself like, “I can’t manifest my will,” or “[It] won’t work, so why bother.”
Self-defeat is one of the more useless acts that stands in the way of becoming a powerful witch. (Laziness is another.) I did a working back in October that (more…)
I am really feeling connected today! I attended a thank-you brunch for volunteers at a local church this morning. I am not a member, obviously, but I assist them in their library. There were 100 or so people in the room and the gratitude there was palpable. Lots of “volunteer love” was floating around the place. I really enjoy giving my time and talents there…their kindness makes it easy to volunteer.
When I returned to the office, I saw a box of used binders on the loading dock that were going to the landfill. Among them was a 3-inch 3-ring binder! Just what I’ve been looking for lately for my new BOS. And to think, I almost spent $8.50 on one just the other day. The Universe really does give you what you need when you need it!
Oh, and one more thing: I sent a check to the IRS yesterday with my tax return. I found out last night that I qualify for a program called Making Work Pay which will give me $400. So now I’m going to file an amended return and the government will give $ back to me!
I love it when a spell comes together! Thank you, Universe! Thank you Dark Goddess!
I’m gently chuckling to myself today… Why?
A little background: I did a money spell last week because it seems money just keeps flowing away from me, not the other way around. My car got towed (long story), my cats got very ill and required expensive vet visits & treatment, and I ended up owing a chunk o’ change to the IRS instead of getting a refund this year, to name a few.
Image credit: Skinbase.org
So yes, I’ve been worried about money lately. Increasingly so. My insecurity was making me anxious and I figured I’d do a little spellwork, a little meditation, etc., to ask the Universe for a little help.
Recently when I was looking for tax documents I came across a folder holding information from my anniversary party 3 years ago. I couldn’t resist a tiny trip down memory lane, so I went through all the lovely cards my friends had given me and my partner. I opened one envelope to find an unused giftcard for $15!
So the gods are listening! Granted, it’s just $15, but I’m not one to sneeze at a gift. I’m still pretty broke but my faith is unbroken.
I need to stop worrying. The Universe is not my bitch. I need to let go. The Universe will provide what I need. Not necessarily what I want, but what I need. I have a roof over my head, food in the pantry, and gas in the car. I have a lot of love in my life. Sure, money’s really tight right now, but there are many souls out there who are worse-off than me.
What did I do? I turned right around and gave that $15 to someone whom I thought needed it. And it felt really good!
Just finished listening to episode 14 of Media Astra Ac Terra, a wonderful podcast by Oraia the Sphinx. She had a segment about how everything is impermanent (except for nirvana, according to Buddhist teachings) and that magic won’t make us invulnerable to the world or to change. Since change is inevitable, what magics we do may not always result in the change we think they will. The universe has a way of doing its own thing, regardless of what little ol’ me wants or needs.
I had a rough couple of days during my holiday break. A jerky driver who was probably drunk or high got in my path and proceeded to wander all over the road, then scream profanities at me when I honked at him after he sat at a stop sign for 3 minutes. (There was no oncoming traffic…) Then a few days later, some more jerks started yelling racially charged nonsense at me and my partner’s family, who happen to be Chinese, on the street as we walked to our cars after lunch.
I have to say, I was thrown. Why were all the assholes of the world coming out of the woodwork and WHY were they all near ME? Then I remembered it was a full moon, and the crazies all made some sense. A full moon certainly doesn’t excuse their reprehensible behaviors, but the timing was notable.
Where am I going with all of this? Well, I had made an amulet before my travels home to help me quell anxiety. It worked for the most part, but the two encounters with angry men wrenched up my anxiety. A visit from my partner’s very judgmental mother didn’t help calm me down either. So yeah, I wondered why my amulet wore off so quickly.
It’s probably because I made it on the fly without much preparation. So of course it wore off quickly. But it was better than pills or booze to lessen the anxiety…right?! It would probably benefit me to develop a daily practice and strengthen my will. Until then, I remain thankful for intelligent and helpful reminders that I’m not in charge. I’m the Universe’s bitch.
It is the shortest day of the year. The light today is vibrant and alive — as though it’s trying to make the most of what little time it has. I was sickly and tired this morning. I slept in an hour or so. I woke feeling good and got out of bed to make coffee.
I did a short ritual with herbs to banish all fear and anxiety from my heart and mind. I have an upcoming trip to my parents’ house and was feeling pretty wound up about it. I feel relaxed and ready now.
Yule is a wonderful time — I am so thankful for all the love, prosperity, and health that I have. Blessed Yule to you all!
“Breathe through the pain.” — my massage therapist
I often forget the power of my own breath. It gives me life, it allows me to speak or whistle or sing, it cleanses my spirit. It’s pretty amazing how taking a moment to intentionally breathe in and out can lessen stress, put you in the moment, and help you focus.